musings

Uncertainty

Umbrella abstract

This photo of a couple with an umbrella was taken through a fountain – the abstract, painterly result was an unexpected, and welcome, surprise.

Uncertainty is the name of the game right now. We’ve had seven months of being uncertain whether or not Geoff would be made redundant, and now that he has there’s even more uncertainty.  Will he get a job?  Where will it be?  Will we have to move house?  Will it pay as much as he gets now?  How will we survive if it doesn’t?   Will I be able to supplement our income doing what I love to do?  Will I have to get a ‘normal’ job?  What happens if he doesn’t find a job? If we move will I find friends as good as the ones I have here?  Will I be lonely?  Will I miss this place?  And on and on.

It’s the middle of the night, and I’ve been lying awake pondering these and other questions. And then it struck me that uncertainty is what makes photography so rewarding and so much fun.  When I go out with my camera I have no idea what I’m going to find, or if I’ll come back with any decent shots, and that’s exciting.  I set out with an open mind, a large dose of curiosity, and the assumption that I’m going to have a good time finding out.  Sometimes I’m disappointed with what I shoot and delete most of it, but I’ve still gained a lot from the process, and I simply allow myself to feel the disappointment for a moment and then move on.

More often, I find something unexpected – a shot that turned out far better than I could have hoped, or something that looks completely different – and better – in the photograph than it did in reality.  I come back with treasures.  Going out on a photography session is an adventure – I don’t know what will happen and that’s exactly what I like.  Imagine if you knew beforehand what shots you’d take, what they’d be of, how they’d turn out.  Dull, isn’t it?

I want to approach the rest of my life like this. I want to treat it as an exciting adventure instead of a worrying unknown.  I want to approach it with curiosity and an open mind.  I want to discard the bad bits without regret and move on to what’s next.  I want to get excited over the unexpected.  I want to find treasures I didn’t anticipate.

“Faith means living with uncertainty – feeling your way through life, letting your heart guide you like a lantern in the dark.
Dan Millman

I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not quite sure……

Dandelion seedhead

 

Some of you may know that I’ve recently become a Mortal Muse. One of my Muse-ly duties is to choose a photo from each of the three Mortal Muse Flickr groups once a fortnight.  This is a lot harder than you’d think and has involved much chewing of lower lip, releasing of troubled sighs, and eating of chocolate.  I should have known this wasn’t the job for someone who suffers from terminal indecision on a regular basis. (And I’m going to have to do it once a fortnight!)

It did make me start thinking about what it was that made me look closer at something and what kind of images were making it onto my shortlist.  This is all personal stuff of course, and I’m not claiming my criteria are the right ones, or that anyone should try to fit in with them.  Nonetheless, they are mine and I thought it might be interesting to figure out exactly what they are, because I’m not sure I know myself.  Here are some thoughts:

  • I wanted to find something a little different. Clichés are clichés for good reason, and a dandelion head is a beautiful thing even if it has been photographed a million times – and then some more.  But the problem with a cliché is that it doesn’t mark you out from the crowd unless you do it more beautifully and more stunningly than anyone else has.  And sometimes somebody does.  But most of the time I moved quickly past anything there was a lot of.
  • I saw some wonderful shots of babies and children, and I may yet choose some of these.  On the whole, though, these shots are more meaningful to parents and relatives than they are to anyone else, and the same goes for wedding and engagement shots.  If I choose something like this, it will be because it goes beyond that meaning and says something universal – or maybe just because it’s really funny (like this shot – which was chosen by another Muse before I got to it).
  • I’m getting into little idiosyncrasies now, but I hate it when people put large watermarks on their pictures.  I can’t look at anything but the watermark and it really puts me off.  I know it’s not nice to have your pictures stolen, but if you put them on as low-res shots, nobody can do much with them anyway.  And did I say it really puts me off?
  • And finally lots of photos were really nice – but just nice, really.  I felt the need of something more, some undefinable ingredient that stopped me in my tracks.
Chocolate and toffee brownies

It's a well-known fact that lots of this stuff makes decision-making much easier

That ruled out loads, but still left me with a lot more to choose from. It’s much harder to say what it was about a picture that made me take a better look than it is to say what made me pass on by.  I’ve just tried making a list but that didn’t work at all, because the shots that spoke to me did so because it wasn’t easy to lump them together in any kind of way.  They might have a certain mood or atmosphere or gorgeously beautiful light, might be funny or quirky (I do favour things that make me smile), could be unusual takes on usual things or interestingly composed, or they might show a wonderful appreciation of colour.  And of course, so much of it depended on what I brought to the picture myself – my own associations and feelings and memories.

When I was choosing from the pool that has a fortnightly theme, I did like it a lot when people interpreted that theme in a way you might not immediately think of.  And then sometimes I liked something quite ordinary simply because it was so beautifully done.  I think, on the whole, I’m drawn to things that are a little different, but the difference can manifest in all sorts of ways.

The hardest bit came when I did have a shortlist, because sometimes there was something I loved that I couldn’t choose because that person had been featured too recently, or it belonged to another Muse (I can choose these, but it doesn’t seem right somehow), or it was too similar to another Muse’s choice.  And then I felt sad for the ones that got away.

It feels strange and a little disquieting to be One Who Decides. I want everyone to feel huge pleasure in their own photography and creativity, even if the result isn’t always something I’d make my personal choice –  I’d like everyone to have that gold star feeling.  (I know how chuffed I was when one of mine got picked many months ago.)  And there are all these pictures I’d like to choose but can’t, because I only get to do this once a fortnight and I can only pick three. I want to leave messages saying, ‘I nearly chose yours!’

All I can say is, thank heavens there are nine of us, with a wide variety of tastes and interests that lead to an interesting mix of styles and subject matter – otherwise I think the responsibility would be just too much!