Reaching for the sky – reflection in fish pond, Cambridge Botanical Gardens
I have very mixed emotions about the whole concept of educating people in art, and they’re escaping like worms from a can as I try to get my course assessment material together. My biggest bone of contention is the learning log. This, they’re quick to tell us, is for our own development and we should create it in a way that works for us. So far, so good, but then they give us a 14-page A4 booklet telling us how to do it properly. Mixed messages or what?
The logbook is part of the assessment, and as such, it gets a mark. If they were telling the truth about it being purely for our own benefit, they might want to see it, but they wouldn’t mark it. Because as we all know, if you mark something you must have certain criteria that have to met in order to be able to give that thing an appropriate mark. So that means there are certain things they expect to see in it, and certain ways in which you’re supposed to write about things, and if doing it that way doesn’t suit you, then you’ll get marked down. Mmmm…..it’s for us, is it?
There are three questions, they say, that we should ask ourselves:
- am I being honest with myself?
- is this a useful process for me?
- is this helping my own process of learning?
If the answers to these questions are ‘yes’, then ‘your learning log is right for you’, it says. I think these are good questions, and I can answer each of them with a clear ‘yes’. But I’m worried, because then it goes on to tell us about things we ‘must’ include in our logbook.
Of course you know where this is going. I’ve used this blog to explore my thoughts on my course and photography in general. I think I’ve done a fair bit of reflecting on the course and on various aspects of photography, and that’s good – but there are an awful lot of things I haven’t done. Or – let me be more specific – there are a lot of things I’ve done but haven’t written about.
I’m a voracious reader and not just of photography books. I read a lot of these, but I read a lot of other non-fiction as well and also try to relate what I learn there back to my photography studies. But I haven’t written all of this down, mainly because I read so many books that I don’t have the time or the inclination to document them all. I see lots of exhibitions, too, but I don’t write about many of them. I don’t want to write about something because I’m supposed to, but only if I feel I have something interesting to say about it. So I haven’t documented most of the books I’ve read, websites I’ve looked at, exhibitions I’ve gone to, or discussions I’ve had.
Another thing I haven’t done is to record my experiences with the exercises in the course materials. This is a very old-fashioned course that desperately needs to be re-written (I think it is being re-written at the moment) and it’s bad enough having to work my way through exercises like ‘try taking your shots in both landscape and portrait orientation’ or ‘take a photo with as many shades of green in it as possible’, without having to write all this up as well. I hope I’m not suffering from hubris, but most of the exercises cover things I did ages ago when I was first learning to use a camera. The remaining ones relate to film, which I don’t use. The exercises are tired and old-fashioned, and I don’t feel they’ve contributed much to any learning I’ve done.
So I’m a bit worried right now, because the learning log counts for a substantial proportion of the marks and I think mine is likely to be frowned upon. Doing this course hasn’t been easy for me – there was the demoralising tutor criticism at the beginning, and the subsequent loss of confidence that led to me taking a year off and not planning to come back. I’ve also had to find a way of doing the landscape assignments that fits my particular style, which isn’t that of a traditional landscape photographer. I’m proud of myself for having finished the course, when I thought at one point I was done with studying photography for ever, and I feel my personal style has developed and deepened in the process. But because I see these courses as being for me rather than as a way of getting a bit of paper that qualifies me, I’ve gone about it very much my own way.
The first question they want us to ask ourselves is ‘am I being honest with myself?’ Well, yes, I am and I’m doing my best to be honest, too, to the people who’ll decide if I pass or not. I’m probably going to suffer for that, but I’m past the point in life where I’m willing to play the education game any more. I’ve already done that and got the certificate to prove it – I don’t need another one. If I fail or get a low mark, and if part of that is because I’ve made the course fit me rather than fit myself to the course, then I guess I’ll just have to live with that. But I know myself, and I know I’ll find it hard to deal with, and so I worry.