It seems to be the thing these days to choose a word to represent your year to come, and also your year that just went. My word for the year that’s ending would have to be ‘difficult’ or, if I’m going to be really honest here, ‘bloody awful’. I know that’s two words, but it does require the swear word to be truly representative of how I feel about it 🙂 Should I care to put my positive hat on (and I must admit there are days when it stays hanging sullenly on the coat rack) then perhaps ‘challenging’ would be fairly accurate.
I did choose a word last January that was altogether more positive than any of these – ‘connection’. In the way that life has of playing ironical little jokes on you, I was ill for so many months that I wasn’t able to maintain the connections with people that I already had, much less make new ones. However, as the year has gone on I realise that I actually have made connections with lots of new people, and have managed to re-establish the old ones too (so maybe it’s not all been bad). So I’m going to take another punt at this, and with some trepidation I’ve chosen the word ‘flow’ as my hope for 2012.
I’d like my life to flow, easily and effortlessly, like a clear and lovely river that simply bypasses any obstacles in its way. I’d like to feel I was floating gently downstream in a small and prettily painted rowing boat full of cushions, feeling the sun on my face and the gentle rocking of the water, and preferably with a wine glass full of something Australian in one hand and a box of something from Hotel Chocolat in the other.
I want to allow the water to take me where it will, trusting that it knows what’s best for me, but perhaps giving the rudder a little tweak now and then to encourage my boat in a particular direction (because I can’t give up control entirely, you understand). I want to enjoy the scenery as it passes, accepting that the beautiful parts come and go, that there are always more beautiful parts than ugly ones, and that the ugly ones will soon move behind me as well. And with reasonable regularity, I’d like to plop myself over the side and do a bit of swimming in the cool, welcoming water because, nice as it is to relax with the wine and the chocolate, I need to feel I’m doing something too. But I will always be swimming downsteam….
Yes, that’ll do nicely for 2012.